I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
