if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
