Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
