She said her name was "party"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
