You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
