Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
