so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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