That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize