"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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