you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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