When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to be your penis for a week.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize