omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize