i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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