I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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