I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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