I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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