I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
