i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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