He is an equal opportunity slut.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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