Umm I'm too high to move.
She is in my trunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
