1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
