Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
