i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
