Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
