I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
