SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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