All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
