Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
