went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
