Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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