I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
