i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
