Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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