you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
