The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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