This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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