I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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