Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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