She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am one with the molecules
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You've changed since you got that strap on
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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