I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i have herpe
just one?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to make out with him forever
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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