I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
