Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We left the knife in your bed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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