Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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