Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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