Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
