omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
