I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
