I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
