then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
