I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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