My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
