that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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