but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
