my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I understand Curling. That high.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
