he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
