he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
