I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
