I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she pinky promised me she was 18
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
