so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to