I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he just fucked me for my cheese.