But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work