her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back