remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.