apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i love accidental penises.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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this boner is exhausting
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I understand Curling. That high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?