Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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