I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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