I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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