i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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