Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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