Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
