ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
