I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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