It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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