My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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