Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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